To Feel

The need is imagined, a whisper through my mind.

The want is constant.

Teeth tap and clench.

Eyes spin and widen to light and movement.

I want it in my heart. To make it beat. To make it feel.

To feel... what is real feeling?

Lady I swear by all flowers, this is real feeling.

I touch and caress and smell.

Fingers tingling as they pass over warm smooth skin.

I feel and I feel alive.

Heart races but the world moves in slow motion.

So happy I could die, my heart exploding.

My mind is a kaleidoscope of poetry and truth.

Mouth opens and words swim out into the dark.

Eyes and brain try to keep up.

Feet moving aimlessly.

Restless and grinning through my teeth.

Purring and panting to the music of my limbs.

I love myself again.

But You're So Good...

Life changes so quickly. Trace and I are no more.

Reflection

This past year seems to have passed me by so quickly. I feel like I've become a completely different person but still carried on the best parts of me into the future, like the first "marathon" runner preserving that vital piece of information because of its importance.. no matter the cost.
Here is just a simple sketch of some of the changes, realizations, highlights, and differences that just one year has brought:

I am a talented human being and can accomplish anything I truly choose to.
I am a woman.
I have gay and lesbian friends.
I am fully capable of thinking for myself (even though I forget to sometimes).
I am beautiful and sexy and glamourous and precious,
--no matter my cup size or what the scale says.
My body is mine and only I can command it.
I still have no desire to try hardcore drugs.
My wrists are scar free and I've committed to keeping them that way.
My clothing, hair, make-up, and jewelry do not define me.
My friends do not define where I do or don't belong.
I am not too polite to call somebody out on their shit.
And I am not too outspoken to be a lady.
The mirror is not an enemy, it is a friend (not a BEST friend, but a friend).
I am confident in my intelligence.
I am a darn good photographer for having taken no formal photography education.
I am not my mother, I am not my father, I am not my sisters or my friends.
--I am happy with this and content being me.
So far, I do not fit into a box.
--I'm OK with this. It's liberating.
I have opinions that deserve respect.
I am person that possesses emotions and feelings. This does not make me weak.
I have the right to choose my own unique future.
I am emotionally and mentally stable enough to function without help.
I enjoy hanging out with my friends Jack and Mary Jane.
--This does not make me a bad or defective person in any way.
I can choose to be whoever I want to be.
I am (more) confident in myself.
I'm starting to care less and less about "social norms".

I'm starting to find out who I really am and what all this will eventually add up to. :)

"Spring Cleaning"

Spring Cleaning by DJFlavio

This song describes my whole weekend. Thanks Charlie :)

I'll Be Anything

Take me far and wide,

Just please never lie to me..

I'll be different, I'll be sane,

I'll be anything you want me to be

As long as you can love what's underneath.

Embrace my skeletons and demons,

See the chains and set me free,

The key is in my pocket.

You could be the place I hide,

You could fill that space inside,

You could be my comfort,

You could be my Poe,

I can make it by myself, I know.

But life would be brilliant by your side....

Book Lust

Idea Log Journal

Sometimes so many wonderful ideas spout from your brain that it becomes a turbulent ocean of innovation. Why not pour your smartest, most creative thoughts into this journal? The flexible and lightweight paperback notebook is full of colorful, blank pages waiting for your biggest aspirations. And because we all think in different ways, you can express your ideas more artistically in the "Sketch Log" section of the book. With perforated tabs in each page's top right corner, you can tear off a tab when the page is full, or bend it if you want to save your place. It's your mind, your individuality, your log book! Get ready to inspire!

F U, Penguin

Are you sick to death of being inundated with cute critters almost hourly? Have you created a special file in your inbox for all your coworkers' unsolicited cute finds? Does the idea of a "puppycam" make you kinda queasy? Then this is the book for you! Inspired by the blog of the same name, Matthew Gasteier's F U, Penguin is a hilarious, extremely foul-mouthed anecdote to sneezing baby pandas and cats with poor grammar. Not for the cute enthusiast, or the faint of heart! Gasteier gives a shout out to every wrinkly, wet-nosed fiend that has made its place in our lives, and calls it out for what it is: totally pathetic.

All Cakes Considered

Adjust your dials. It's time to tune in to the most delicious cookbook on the planet. In 3, 2, 1! Hello, and welcome. Today's episode features a cookbook that you just can't do without. Whether you're a bundt cake babe or an Passion Cake cutie, you'll feed on this read with delight! Full of recipes from Peppermint Pattie Cake to Procrastinatin' Drunken Monkey Banana Bread and dappled with amusing anecdotes straight from the NPR office, this book is so great that you'll be floating 'on air' whenever you see it!'

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls

Learn how Elizabeth Bennet harnessed her zombie-slaying skills in the prequel to the New York Times best seller! Set four years prior to the ghastly events of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies," this novel introduces us to the seemingly ordinary Bennet family as they reside peacefully in the English countryside. Little do they know what lurks beyond, until a funeral at a local church goes terribly wrong. Steeped in action, romance, hilarity, and blood-thirsty zombies, "Dawn of the Dreadfuls" is filled with suspenseful narration and eerie illustrations depicting the battle between the living and the dead. Pick it up for a zombie-obsessed friend or any book lover for a taste of cult meets classic!

Readymade: How to Make (Almost) Everything

As it says on the front, "You need this book." And if not you, then someone in your life! A primer on all things DIY, this sturdy book offers insightful tips and fun projects for all skill levels. Reusing and recycling is just the beginning.